Because it's yours
by pet-munchkin
Summary: She didn’t understand. Never, ever, in her life had that wonderful colour, had the pink betrayed her. ... So why didn’t it change now? - One day in Tonks' life as a newlywed but something is seriously worrying her... Will she be able to deal with it?


**Pairing:** R/T (Because I love them and I always will...)

**Rating:** T (just to be safe)

**Warning:** Angst, lots and lots of it! (Other than that, grammar mistakes? Probably...)

**Length:** about 6,235 words (bit long)

**Disclaimer: **JKR? Do you mean the author who wrote HP? No, I never met her. But one day I'd certainly like to... Until this day comes, however, I'll be having a nice time playing with her characters! ;-)

**Summary:** _She didn't understand. Never, ever, in her life had that wonderful colour, had the pink_ _betrayed her. (...) So why didn't it change now?_ - One day in Tonks' life as a newlywed from morning to evening, but something is worrying her all the while and she is too afraid of telling Remus. Will she be able to deal with it all by herself? - Just for the record, it's still _in progress_...

**Beta:** None... (I do feel bad about it. Really. I do. Uh-hu.)

**Author's Notes:** I've been stuggling with myself and my Alter Ego _and_ my Second Ego if I should upload this story or not. I was even contemplating to simply click the ENTF button (for "Entfernen" which means "erase") and get that horrible piece out of my life. Yet I couldn't do it. I'm weak, I know... -sigh- And as if this wouldn't be enough, I eventually thought to myself: "Bugger it all! Just upload the bloody story and let people decide themselves if they like it or not." And that's what I did (as you can clearly see). Yeah, well, apart from being unable to believe that you actually will have fun reading this, I still wish you fun (because it's what I always do and it's what I'd like you to have)...

OoOoOoOoO

**Because it's yours…**

_Pink?_

Tonks blinked, twice, but the colour wouldn't change. She didn't understand. Never, ever, in her life had that wonderful colour, had the pink betrayed her. Never. So why didn't it change now? Why wasn't it turning blue as it should, as she had expected, well, probably more of hoped it would?

She looked around frantically, trying to calm down the rising panic in her stomach. What was pink anyway? It was merely a combination of red and white, one of these two not even being a real colour itself. The more white added to the red, the lighter the tint of the new colour pink, right? Looking down, she thought that this particular pink didn't look light at all. It looked quite red, dark in a sense, dangerous even. But pink had always been one of her favourite colours, amongst many others; orange, green, blue – just any colour except the tedious mousy-brown that was her natural hair. And now? How could she love pink anymore when it proved to be her doom?

Tonks shook her head quickly. Doom, no, that wasn't the right word for it. Not the right word for _him_. Or _her_. Whatever it was, she shouldn't be calling it her doom, that didn't sound right. After all, how ever could she blame someone else for her own lack of constant vigilance? With a pang of regret she remembered Moody's words, and they seemed to slice through her mind like a knife through red-bleeding bread. _Constant vigilance._ She had always told him not to mention it anymore because she thought that she had absorbed these words as if they were part of her. How very wrong she had been. How very stupid she had been…

Finally, she got up from the toilet she had been sitting on, pulling up her pants. She stepped in front of the mirror and looked at herself, at the pale-faced girl with bright pink hair falling down in locks on its shoulders that she was. All the while she held the positive pregnancy test firm in her hand, almost feeling it crush and burst into a thousand pieces underneath her tight, trembling fingers. But it wouldn't. It was there, the very solid confirmation that it was, of the little human being which was slowly, unknowingly growing inside her stomach. Inside _her_.

_Oh my…_, she thought idly, feeling so hollow all of a sudden when she knew that, actually, she was anything but. And she felt dizzy at the mere image of it, at the single picture of something similar to a _baby_ developing underneath her belly. How could this even be?

She eyed the test once again. The colour was the same dark, dangerous pink as it had been before. A thought jumped to her mind and she hastily grabbed the package that she had deposited on the washbasin before, quickly reading the instructions once more. But the vague suspicion which she had had just a second ago disappeared into nothingness. Pink really did mean pregnant. Merlin…

She could fell her pulse begin to rise, quicken, speed through her veins as if it was trying to win a race. She tried to catch her breath once more, calm down. She should be thinking logically now, discern the facts. So what if, maybe, the test was wrong? Simply wrong? What if, _maybe_, the test was showing her a false positive? After all, it was a Muggle test, and who could say that everything Muggles developed was very reliable?

Unable to stop herself, her eyes fell upon the waste bin next to the washbasin. There were three other pregnancy tests in there, all of them showing the same dark, dangerous pink as the one she currently held in her hands. She had taken one yesterday morning, one yesterday evening, and two this morning. But apart from the evident result that they all seemed to have in unison – they still could be wrong, couldn't they? They still could show her the pink when actually nothing was pink at all, except for her hair colour? They still could tell her that she was pregnant from Remus when in reality she wasn't…

Tonks bent down and grabbed the other three tests, taking them out of the bin. She couldn't leave them there, Remus might find them and then- She didn't want to think about it, not now. She didn't want to think about what _precisely_ Remus would do when he found the positive tests. Because everything had worked out so very good for her the last three months, and she didn't think that she had ever been happier in her life than lately. Remus had agreed to their relationship, which was both unbelievable and amazing at the same time, and, as if it wouldn't be enough, he had asked her to marry him. _Marry_ him! She had been so overwhelmed that she had almost fainted that day, and it was nothing like her to be such a wimp - she was an Auror after all.

Their marriage hadn't been the largest or the most beautiful, rather hasty instead and even a bit depressing, at least for her parents she had noticed. She couldn't have cared less, though. She couldn't possibly have cared any less, because it really had been the very best day of her life. And who wanted big, splendid marriages when they had the man they loved at their side, anyway? She hadn't. All that she had ever wanted was Remus John Lupin and nothing else.

But a baby? Merlin, a _baby_? She hadn't thought of that. She hadn't even spared the slightest muse at the possibility that she and Remus could have a family, a real family. Together. Why ever hadn't she? Wasn't it the natural course of events when one got married? Get a child; one, two, three, more? Have a proper family on your own? Why ever hadn't she torn her thoughts away from the blissful dream she had been living in and to the future that lay ahead, that could provide so many things for them, starting a family for example?

But she hadn't wanted to think of the future, because she knew that very probably no future lay ahead at all. These were the darkest of times they were living in – how could she take responsibility for a little, innocent child being born into this world of fear and devastation? It wouldn't be fair, it wouldn't be right…

Tonks positioned her free hand on her still even belly. Of course she knew that, if she really was pregnant, although very possibly she might not be because the tests very possibly might be wrong, she wouldn't be able to feel the child yet. But, as she stood there in the bathroom, her hand protectively lying on her stomach where probably a new life was hidden underneath, she couldn't help the feeling that if, in fact, she was to be a mother soon, she would try everything to protect her child from harm. Nobody would be able to lay a hand on that little baby, on _her_ little baby, on Remus little baby. No Death Eater, no Ministry delegate, no one… She would give her life.

But, in any case, she needed confirmation, real confirmation that she was pregnant – or not. Because if she told Remus now, she might give him the shock of his life and she didn't think that she could stand his face. She didn't think that she could stand the one question over and over again: "Are you sure?" And she didn't think she wanted to know if he would like to have a family with her or not. Because what if…? Therefore, she thought it best to go to St. Mungo's immediately and see a gynaecologist about it. It was the safest way to know.

Tonks rushed out of the bathroom and into the living room, where her abandoned clothes lay scattered around. As she dressed herself hastily, she mused for a moment that, probably, soon, she would need new clothes, larger ones. It was such a strange thought, picturing herself in maternity clothing while her belly was growing bigger and bigger. She wondered idly where she was to find any maternity clothing with the "Weird Sisters" on it…

She was ready to walk out the door when she hesitated all of a sudden. She turned around again and looked to the far end of the small flat in which she and Remus were living in. It was small, yes, but beautiful all the while, and certainly suitable for them. But was it large enough to house _three_ people?

She sneaked back to the bedroom on her tiptoes in order to peek through the door, and a smile lit her face at what she saw there. Remus was still sound asleep, lying there in seemingly peaceful harmony, every line on his face so content when before there had only been worry and sorrow. He seemed so young to her… She let her head rest against the doorframe and watched her wonderful, magnificent husband for a minute, completely lost in the image of him sleeping carelessly in their marital bed. She wondered if he would ever do that again after she had told him about the pregnancy…

With a sudden jerk of her head, Tonks forced herself to wake up from the daydream. She reprimanded herself for the unnecessary thoughts of worry. Who knew, maybe she wasn't even pregnant after all. Maybe everything was all right still, and would stay that way. She shouldn't be worrying too much, not now. Because, whatever the case, worry was to come anyway.

* * *

"Grace, Margaret."

Tonks sat on one of those truly uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room at St. Mungo's, hoping for her name to be called out soon. All the while, she couldn't stop thinking about Remus, left alone at home and probably wondering where she was. She hadn't remembered to leave a message for him even though she didn't think that she could have told him the truth about where she was going. But he might be sitting at the kitchen table right now, wondering where his wife had gone on a Saturday morning. She didn't want him to worry about her, she knew the feeling all too well…

She shifted nervously around on her chair, forwards, backwards; she couldn't stand waiting anymore. Having arrived more than forty minutes ago, she was more than ready to get confirmation. Whether about the fact that she was pregnant or not, it didn't matter right now. Well, admitted, it did matter, a whole lot it did, but nevertheless all that she wanted in this particular moment was to know the truth. Whatever the truth may be…

"Lupin, Nymphadora."

Tonks' head shot up. For a moment she wondered about the name, wondered why it didn't sound as familiar as it should, but then remembered that, in fact, she was a Lupin now, not a Tonks anymore. She was Nymphadora Lupin – and she loved it that way.

With a quick movement, she stood up and hurried to the door to the patients' room. A small, chubby yet quite beautiful woman around the age of 50 opened up for her.

"Good Morning, Ms. Tonks" she said and held out her hand, smiling a kind smile that Tonks hadn't seen in some months. She took it with a slightly trembling hand of her own and shook.

"Morning, Mrs. Baker, but it's Lupin now" she replied, her voice not quite steady but a small slight smile on her face nevertheless.

"Ah yes" the woman said and led her in, gesturing for her to sit down on the chair at the far end of the room. "I am sorry, the old habit. It is always quite difficult to get those out of one's mind. But my congratulations to your marriage, of course."

"Thank you."

Tonks felt a little uneasy as she sat down while Mrs. Baker did the same across from her. She wondered for a moment if her gynaecologist knew more about Remus and his condition. She felt a slight tremor at the thought that this kind woman whom she had known since she was fourteen might be prejudiced against werewolves and the one's that lived with them, let alone had married them – or might be pregnant from them... She had always liked Mrs. Baker very much and thought she was a very reasonable woman. But in the end, you can never really know about people and the various false faces they sometimes wore without anyone noticing. They had thought Snape to be on their side, too, even if nobody had really liked him, but then he had proven to be the one to kill their strongest hope in the fight against Voldemort. He had worn his mask and Dumbledore had trusted him. Who could have known what would happen…?

"So, Mrs. Lupin then, what is the reason for your visit?"

Tonks was jolted out of her musings by Mrs. Baker's soft voice.

"I…" she started, then faltered and couldn't prevent herself from looking down, staring at her hands which seemed so unbelievably small all of a sudden. Very much like the rest of her. "I think I'm pregnant."

She lifted her head up again, very slowly and with quite some difficulty for it felt so heavy, she didn't quite know why. Mrs. Baker threw her the most sympathetic smile.

"But you are not sure yet?"

"No."

Tonks' voice was but a whisper now. She broke the eye-contact once more and instead went to search the room for nothing in particular. It was so hard to look at the woman's kind face when at the same time she wanted Remus to show her the same kindness as well when she told him. If she told him. But she might not have to, she might not be pregnant after all even if the pink on the four tests had been so very dark and dangerous to her eyes…

"I took a pregnancy test this morning, a Muggle one, and it was positive."

"Ah yes, Muggle rapid tests for pregnancies. These are often used, even in the wizarding world. They are usually very reliable."

Tonks couldn't help but wince at the last sentence. Reliable? She locked eyes with Mrs. Baker again and received as an answer to her frightened face another sympathetic smile from her. It was only now that she realised how very soothing the woman's voice was though she couldn't help but be terrified of her words. Reliable?

"When was your last monthly period?"

"About… six weeks ago."

"Quite a long time..." Mrs. Baker nodded "But for real confirmation I need you to take a potion. It will give me the opportunity to examine your body."

The woman stood up, went to a nearby cupboard and took out a little bottle filled with a silvery liquid. Tonks couldn't quite think clearly as she watched the woman pour drops of the little bottle into a glass half full of water. Now that she was so close to discovering the truth, she didn't even know if she wanted to hear it anymore. Reliable? So she had basically taken four _very_ reliable tests? And they all had shown the same dark dangerous pink, the colour of pregnancy? Why ever would she need more conviction?

"If you will just sit down on the bed, please" Mrs. Baker said as she took yet another bottle filled with more greenly shimmering liquid out of the cupboard. While Tonks stood up and did as she was told, feeling somewhat sick all of a sudden and slightly swaying, too, the woman came back to her, the glass of water mixed with both liquids in her hand. Tonks took the glass and eyed it a bit anxiously.

"Don't be afraid" Mrs. Baker told her, smiling softly. "It won't hurt you and certainly not the baby if you really are pregnant. You just take it in one gulp and we will see from then."

Tonks nodded and took a deep steadying breath before she swallowed the rather dreadful tasting potion. Mrs. Baker took the glass out of her hands and together they waited. One, two, three seconds, and Tonks was beginning to feel anxious again despite the kind words of her gynaecologist. She had never been in such a situation before, waiting for something to happen, not really knowing what exactly that was. Or what precisely it would mean. But then again, how could she ever have been in such a situation? She hadn't ever met any other man before Remus with whom she had wanted to share the rest of her life with. Certainly, there had been blokes that she liked, might have loved even. But a baby? If there was anyone she would want to start a family with, it would be Remus and no one else…

She wondered idly for a moment what her life might have been like if she hadn't met him, if she hadn't met the wonderful man that was Remus John Lupin. Would she ever have found someone as precious as him? Would she ever have loved that someone as much as she loved her husband now? And would she ever have been in the exact same situation, possibly pregnant from the man she loved the most? No… she couldn't, for the life of her, imagine a future in which she might be pregnant, or not, from somebody else. Neither did she even want to imagine a future without Remus. Because it couldn't ever be any more wonderful than now, pregnancy confirmed or not. In any case, this life was what she had always wanted. It was the best she could get.

Unexpectedly and to Tonks great surprise and also worry, her stomach seemed to move all of a sudden. She looked frantically to Mrs. Baker, thinking that something must have gone wrong but the woman threw her another kind smile, silently telling her that everything was alright. Tonks' stomach grew bigger and bigger and bigger – until a seemingly transparent bubble split off and it was as even as before. She was quite shocked, staring at the bubble which hovered now in front of her body, calmly weighing from one side to the other.

"This is what we call a baby-bubble" Mrs. Baker told her matter-of-factly. "It shows us the exact image of your stomach and therefore I am able to examine whether or not you are pregnant very easily."

Tonks swallowed, staring at the bubble in front of her, then nodded as the woman bent down and started to examine. The seconds seemed to stretch painfully while she waited, unable to hold a clear thought in her mind as she watched the bubble sway to and fro. All of a sudden everything seemed so very unreal, surreal even, as if she was caught up in another universe where she didn't know where to go or what to do.

Actually, she had always been a very determined person, knowing exactly what she wanted from herself and others. She had never given up on her dream to become an Auror and she had eventually reached her aim despite her lack of stealth-and-tracking-abilities and her parents constant pleading to become something safer instead. She had wanted Remus, wanted him so much, and she had neither given up on him, following him, beseeching him, talking to him in endless discussions about why they should or shouldn't be together. She knew he had loved her then and had only tried to protect her. But he had been wrong, very, very wrong indeed, and she had told him over and over again until eventually, he had given in. And he had married her. He was hers, finally, and she couldn't feel happier. Or at least, she hadn't thought she could although she wasn't so sure anymore. She was, in fact, very uncertain, of everything and it scared her. She was lying on a table inside of the St. Mungo's hospital, waiting for revelation and she didn't know what to think, what to do or where to go given the possibility…

"Well, Mrs. Lupin" Mrs. Baker began and Tonks caught her breath, almost bursting with tension. "You are indeed pregnant."

_Oh my…_, she thought and that was all.

_Oh my…_ and _oh no…_

She was… indeed pregnant? Really pregnant? With Remus' child? _Oh my…_

Tonks could feel her body tense even more at the mere thought of it as if every muscle tried to wring itself around the baby hidden underneath her belly. Immediately the bubble in front of her seemed to adjust, creasing itself slightly.

Pregnant… she was pregnant with Remus' child…

When Tonks threw a desperate look at Mrs. Baker, she received once more the well-known sympathetic smile from her. But she couldn't think, couldn't breathe, everything seemed to be spinning all of a sudden… Could this ever be any more unreal?

"Do you see this round blackish ball here?" her gynaecologist went on, her voice more calm and soothing than ever. "This is the mantle in which the child is growing. And the little dot inside is your beautiful baby."

Tonks stared at the bubble in shock. She did, in fact, see the blackish ball and the little dot inside. This was supposed to be her child? Remus' child? Her beautiful baby? But it looked so small, so little and vulnerable. If she hadn't known better, she wouldn't have thought this little _dot_ to be a human being at all. She drew her hand to her mouth, choking back the tears.

"Will you keep the baby?"

The question hit Tonks hard and unforeseen, like a punch in the stomach though that was the least she would've wanted to happen right now considering what was inside. She looked at Mrs. Baker, unable to say anything. Keep the baby? She hadn't even thought about the possibility to… Certainly, she wouldn't ever be able to _kill_ an innocent child?

"Does the father know?" Mrs. Baker continued; another question which caught Tonks off-guard.

"I… my husband?" Tonks asked in panic. She didn't quite know what to answer. It was too much to even comprehend the fact that she was pregnant, but telling Remus? How could she ever tell Remus?

"I don't… I mean, I plan to…" she choked desperately and then looked down, unable to keep eye-contact with the woman in front of her.

"What if he doesn't approve?" she whispered in a hollow voice, somehow glad to have the agonising question finally out of her mouth – and mind.

"You don't think he will be delighted?" Mrs. Baker asked and there was evident worry in her voice. Tonks felt as if she was going to break out in tears any second. She didn't want to think about Remus' reaction. She didn't want to know what he would have to say to the pregnancy because, if she was honest, she feared most of all that he would not approve, not at all. She feared that he would worry, as always, and panic, as always, and then… then he would leave her again. How was she to raise a child herself, a single mother?

She bit her lip, blinked back the tears and tried to calm down, reminding herself that Remus loved her. Yes, he loved her so much. She had become aware of that over the year when he had pushed her away with the cruellest stubbornness she had ever had the displeasure to discover in a man. But he had done it because he loved her. Really, truly loved her, as much as she loved him. He just hadn't been able to show her the right way; that was all…

"It is your decision" Mrs. Baker said finally, smiling that sympathetic smile again as Tonks looked up at her, frowning. "You should definitely tell your husband and discuss the matter with him but in the end, it will be _your_ decision."

Tonks nodded, slightly. But what if she didn't want it to be her decision only? She wanted Remus to decide, too. She wanted Remus to approve, too. But did she even approve herself?

"Do you want to take the baby-bubble with you?"

"Sorry?"

"The baby-bubble. It will show you the progress your baby makes. And if you want to keep the child you should come again after two weeks for another examination."

Tonks' eyes shifted to the baby-bubble in front of her with the blackish ball and the little dot inside that was her child. And Remus'. If she took it with her, she would be able to see the baby grow, evolve from a tiny dot into a real human being, inside her… Merlin.

"Yes" she whispered and couldn't prevent a silent tear from running down her face as she reached forward and touched the bubble, thinking that actually, she had hardly seen anything more beautiful in her life than this...

* * *

Tonks stood in front of the door, hesitating to pull the key out of her pocket and simply unlock it. She could as well just ring since Remus was at home – or at least she hoped he was… Merlin, she'd be devastated if he wasn't thinking that he might have left her yet again…

She shook the depressing thoughts from her head, trying not to let the image of an abandoned home enter her mind. Remus loved her. He would always love her. He had promised that at their marriage, hadn't he?

She reached unconsciously to the left pocket of her coat. In there was a little jar, magically made smaller, containing the baby-bubble from St. Mungo's. She felt very similar to a criminal, smuggling something into their home without Remus knowing, and in fact it wasn't just something, not just some _thing_, because it was so much more than that. It was their child she carried now.

The door opened. She jumped slightly and then looked up and saw Remus staring back at her with an expression on his face that showed both surprise and relief. Had he been waiting for her? Had he been concerned about her?

"Dora" he exclaimed and darted forwards, pulling her into a fierce embrace. She was so surprised by the sheer force of the gesture that it didn't even occur to her to return it. In fact, she began to worry about their baby for she thought that it might get crushed by such breath-taking hugs. But then she told herself to reason, thinking that, of course, babies wouldn't get killed by a simple embrace of their father. How could she ever think of that?

Remus pulled away and looked at her with worry written all over his face. She tried to hold his gaze, smiling at him in what she hoped was a reassuring way. But she couldn't say anything; all the words seemed to have gone. She carried his baby.

"Where were you?" he asked her, his voice hoarse but calm as he brushed a hand over her cold cheek. Despite herself, she felt a shiver run through her the moment his fingers touched her skin. He still had that effect on her. He'd always had, actually, ever since the very first time she had met him almost two and a half years ago. And he didn't even have an inkling of an idea how desperately she wanted to tell him now. She wanted to tell him everything because it weighed on her like a burden, too heavy to carry it alone. But she couldn't. The fear of his reaction was much too strong. She couldn't tell him because she didn't want him say that he couldn't do it, that he didn't want a baby with her, _from_ her. She wouldn't be able to stand it. She just couldn't tell him…

"I… The Ministry" she said quickly and tried to look as convincing as possible, though her voice was high and hurried and terribly unsteady.

"The Ministry?"

"Yes."

"On Saturdays?"

There was a faint trace of disbelieve evident in his beautiful brown eyes. Merlin, she was lying to him. She hated lying to anyone, always had, but lying to Remus was even worse. It didn't fell right and certainly wasn't. But the truth? Could she really tell him the truth? No…

"Forgot some papers" she told him, feigning a bright carefree tone and attempting a slight smile which she thought she managed quite well considering the situation. "Besides, Aurors always have work to do. You wouldn't want your beautiful wife to be fired, right?"

She winked at him and then quickly pushed past him into the house. She wanted the matter to be over. No more lies, she couldn't stand it even though she knew that she either had to continue lying until he would eventually _notice_ or she would have to tell him right now… But she didn't want to decide. She didn't even want to think about it.

Remus shut the door behind her while she made herself to take off her coat and scarf. Her movements were hasty, she was trembling and she just hoped he wouldn't notice. She put the clothes onto the rack next to the entrance of living room. As she turned around to face Remus, an awkward moment erupted out of nowhere and they stood looking at each other, seemingly lost in space and time. What was he thinking?

She bit her lip, blinked and the moment was gone when he strode over to her and pulled her into a passionate kiss. She was almost as surprised as she had been about the fierce embrace, unable to form a clear thought in her mind. But quickly she adjusted herself and then responded, kissing him back just as passionate, hungry even and with all the love she could offer him. His hands found her waist, pulling her closer still and she felt her legs go weary as she grabbed his jumper for support, not wanting to fall down if her knees gave way all of a sudden, not wanting to hurt their child in the process…

"You didn't leave a message" Remus muttered lowly, his breath tickling her lips as he pulled away a bit, no more than an inch from her face. His eyes bored into hers, or at least it felt as if, and she felt sick all of a sudden. She tried to hold eye-contact, tried not to let any suspicion come up because she really didn't want Remus to think that she had anything to hide from him. But Merlin, she had. She carried his child and he didn't even know.

"I'm sorry. I was already at the Ministry when I realised-"

"It's okay" he cut across her softly, pulling her into another fierce embrace and she buried her head in his shoulder, trying not to give in to tears. "I just want to know where you go, so I can…"

He trailed off and hugged her even tighter to him.

"I need to know if you're safe" he whispered into her ear. She pulled back and looked at him wide-eyed, unable to respond. She loved him so much at this moment yet at the same time wished that he would not only mean _her_ when he said that he wanted her safe. She wanted it to apply to the baby, too.

"I'm sorry" she said, giving him a desperate look and feeling more than ever like a criminal. Remus smiled and gave her yet another kiss, soft but longing all the while. Tonks couldn't help but wonder if he would feel the same kind of love for their child and it nearly drove her crazy, not knowing the answer. She started to tremble in his arms.

"What's wrong?" he asked her as he pulled away, the concern having returned to his eyes. For a moment she contemplated on saying "Nothing" and that it probably might be the cold or something. Instead she said:

"Do you love me?"

Remus seemed rather taken aback but answered quickly still.

"Of course."

"Promise?" she asked before she could even stop herself. She needed to know, needed him to confirm it right here and now.

"Always" he said with determination in his voice, even if his eyes showed slight confusion at her questions. He cupped her face and gave her a third kiss, this time on her temple though. She sighed.

But despite his kindness and gentleness, despite his words that he loved her and would always do so – it wasn't enough. She couldn't help the feeling. She wanted so desperately to believe and trust him and she really did but it just wasn't enough. Because she wanted more. She wanted him to tell her that he loved her _and_ their child. She wanted him to say that everything would be alright. She wanted him to lay a hand on her stomach and promise her that he would always protect them both from harm and that, eventually, they would win this war and then he would find his own job and they would raise their child together and be the happiest family ever. She wanted so much more…

"I'll take a shower now" she said, her voice trembling and a silent tear running down her face which she quickly brushed away. She untangled herself from his embrace and attempted to walk past him, heading to the direction where the bathroom was. However, he held her back and wrapped one hand around her wrist, drawing her to him once more.

"What about me?" he asked, smiling at her a little bit smugly. She frowned at him, lost for a moment. "I promised you to love you always, didn't I?"

Her mouth formed a silent "oh" as she realised what he meant. She stood on her tiptoes and brushed her lips softly against his, revelling just for a second in the warming sensation before she pulled away and said firmly:

"Remus Lupin, I think I've made my point clear already. Of course I'll always love you."

He threw her a smile and this time, she returned it with a real one of hers. He released her and she went off to the bathroom, thinking that she could never, ever, have found a better man than Remus John Lupin whom she was so fortunate to call her husband.

* * *

As Tonks stepped out of the shower she tripped over the little step and landed flat and face-down on the hard bathroom floor. With a quick movement, however, she had covered her stomach with her hand before the fall. It was only a second later that she realised this and thought that probably, her mother instinct had been activated the moment Mrs. Baker had told her that she was pregnant. Uneasily, she stood up, looking down at her knees which seemed quite rough now though they were thankfully not bloody. She pulled a towel around her dripping body, silently cursing her lack of elegance which had accompanied her since birth. Almost on its own accord, her hand went back to her stomach and she wondered idly if the fall might have hurt the baby or disturbed it or anything. Could it feel everything she did? Could it be hurt that easily by a fall? They shared one body after all…

With a pang of fear Tonks was reminded of her never-ending clumsiness. Falling out of the shower was nothing special with her; she fell and tripped and stumbled her way through and on and out of everything all day long. How was it that she hadn't thought of this before? With her inability to stay upright for a decent period of time, she was the very last person to be allowed to carry a vulnerable little baby inside her. What if it really got hurt one day just because she didn't watch her step and landed on her stomach? What if she would kill the child by being her usual self?

Tonks looked at the mirror in front of her. Her hand had risen to cover her mouth and tears were welling up in her eyes again. Merlin… She hadn't even spared the slightest thought to the dangers that she provided the child with by carrying it in her clumsy stupid self. She was going to be the death of this child. She was going to kill it, murder it. And then, out of nowhere, another realisation came with this and cut through her with the iciest coldness she had ever experienced.

She wasn't a mother.

She was _nothing_ like a mother, so very different from everything a mother was. She was neither like Molly nor like her own mum. She was just clumsy, little tomboy Tonks; she would be everything but a good mother to her child. If it didn't get killed along her paths of clumsiness…

She shook her head quickly, determinedly in a desperate try to stop the crying and worrying. She took the towel that she had wrapped around herself and plunged her face in it, rubbing furiously. She needed to calm down, needed to think clearly about everything. But as much as she told herself that her child was well protected by her stomach and the many layers of skin and muscles and everything, not as easy to kill with a clumsy fall as she believed, she couldn't help one thought still:

"How am I going to raise a child?"

OoOoOoOoO

Oh, that was an abrupt ending, wasn't it? But I will certainly write another chapter about the afternoon and evening of the same day, because clearly I can't let it end this way, can I? Actually, I had planned for this to be a One-Shot, not a chaptered fic. Therefore I ask you to regard it as a One-Shot although it's probably a bit too long for that, or at least it will be when the second chapter is up (which, I admit, I do yet have to write).

As you can see, I'm not quite sure about this story(line), it seems too long and boring to me. Is it? I reckon you should better review and tell me, because I can't make up my mind and I really need to know what you think. I have a **bribe** for you, of course! ;) (Couldn't ever go without those...) Everybody kind enough to review will be sent a copy of Tonks' baby-bubble to follow the growth of little Teddy Lupin. Speaking of which...

The baby-bubble thing? That was just me trying to find something to resemble ultrasonics. Well, I'm not very creative when it comes to inventing new potions and such, sorry for that. (I did try my best, it just wasn't enough...) And Mrs. Baker? I love the woman, she's really kind and understanding in my imagination. Oh, and the name "Grace, Margaret" which is mentioned in the beginning of the second part is a reference to the wonderful actress, the British one though (because I think there is an actual Maggie Grace, she starred in the TV series Lost, didn't she?) I know her name is "Maggie Smith" but she did play a woman named Grace in the film "Keeping Mum" (and it was such an amusing one, I loved it), not to mention her being the embodiment of McGonagall, of course...

The title of the story refers to the ending (of the _whole_ "One-Shot", therefore the ending that's still to come) which I have in mind already. Just have to write it all down... it might take some time... -.-

I'd like to apologise for any OOC'ness, mostly by Tonks. In my imagination, she is just really afraid of having a baby given her young age (more or less) and the situation (what with Voldemort and the Death Eaters and the ministry's laws against werewolves at hand) and also the still unstable relationship between her and Remus. I hope I can clarify this in the next chapter a bit more. It will most likely have them both go to Diagon Alley to buy some ingredients for wolfsbane, I haven't really made up my mind yet but you'll see.

Anyway, as a bit of final comic relief and useless information for you: I skinned a heart-shaped potato for lunch today! It really was heart-shaped (or you could say it had at least nice buttocks. Yeah, well... )

So let's all skin potatoes in different shapes (does anyone have a werewolf-shaped one?); bye bye und tschüß


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